The Vision

So, let's pretend we all find each other.

The people that we all jive with, the ones we could see our children growing up with, trusting, and learning from.

Once we all decide we have good chemistry (seen in the process here), we commit to each other and continually have open communication about our visions and goals for the future. More than a commitment to a place, we want to have a commitment to a people- families that refuse to burn bridges or leave a relationship in disrepair over minor or even some major things. Families that cherish the art of long-term connection and communication- friendship. If someone down the road begins to feel that the place isn't for them or that they would like to travel more or any number of things... we hope it to be a group conversation that is brought up in vulnerability and trust and received with a feeling of opportunity for everyone, not offense. The main question and assumption is, "How can we move forward together in this?" rather than writing off someone for having different feelings, ideas, or goals, especially ones that are only assumed. The priority is the people. And maybe even eventually (hopefully) the people in the town or village we decide to reside in/around would be included in that as well. In Western culture, where biological family seems to be one of the only options for potential committed and long-term relationships, we're hoping to have a group of like-minded families willing to choose each other and become a family. Of course, while also including biological family in our lives. Families are generally so small now, and regardless, in need of a car to see each other. We want our kids to freely have access to many other children from families with similar values.

Our desire to start this is multi-faceted. We have not found many things similar to this- a place with only families or soon-to-be families committing to each other and to a community based on child-centered values, especially not in the US. On a separate page here and also at the top of the website drop-down menu we will list some intentional communities we have found as options for us all to join or be next to, along with some towns or villages we have found that might be receptive to families in our frame of mind towards children. Basically... we want to commit to individual families, not just a place with maybe aligned people that maybe live their values. We also want to start this because we are also undecided on a place and we know that the people or lack thereof can make a beautiful, heavenly place absolutely miserable. A short story that puts this in perspective,

Nia traveled Nepal, India, the Philipines, Greece, and Australia for some time. When she was riding a bus through some of the most spectacular parts of the Himalayas, she looked at the mountains and thought, "Nice! Wow! Amazing." and that was the end of it. The feelings of contentment and excitement continued slightly, along with that nostalgic-sense about everything when road-tripping through beautiful scenery. What is that nostalgic feeling? Almost like the mountains or the views themselves aren't enough- something beyond it is needed, something with connection and meaning - something human that parallels the level of beauty in a deeper way. "What''s the point of seeing this?", she thought, "Who can I share it with? Talk about it with that's also seeing it? Who am I surrounded by? Are these mountains the destination, the height of life and goal of every journeyman, or could it actually be the people? The accompanying connection that may be the whole point? The resulting bond between people who have seen something new together?" and finally the thought, "This is nothing without sharing it with a friend". Nia continued on her travels and subtly noted in her mind the feelings she had when seeing something beautiful or devastating with a friend compared to seeing something with no one or with someone she didn't fully trust. The resulting conclusion... you could have the most beautiful or most "ugly" place(s) in the world but without friends, it's genuinely nothing. The Himalayas, the crystal clear waters of Perth, Australia or the Philipines, the otherworldly beauty of India's forests, deserts, and villages, the history and romantic feeling of Greece- were all rather unimpressive compared to the feeling of having a true friend. Now, pilgrimages and intentionally traveling solo has a place, especially to connect with the Earth, but... we really question if its needed as much as its given space for. Read more about our thoughts on humans needing humans at our blog, ofbreathandbelonging.wordpress.com. , but basically... we need each other. And the place matters... only after we've found the people that matter.

So, after choosing each other, there are 3 potential options for us.

PROS: We create it entirely! It is whatever we want it to be. We can have all the bonfires we dream, the kids can run in nature til their heart's content, and we can all build the homes we dream of (in time). We'd be close to nature, maybe more so than in a village (who knows?). It could be truly magical and invigorating. This option is basically the only one we could do in the U.S.

CONS: We create it entirely. That's a whole darn lot of work. Building is fun and relationship-building, but we all need houses and we all have kids... we would need to figure out a stream-lined way of getting it all done in a timely fashion while not sacrificing all of our time with kids. Also, building takes money, whether its in the form of losing time from a paid job if we do it ourselves (ideally) or expending money, on resources or hired contractors. How and where are we all working and coming up with this money? We've considered creating a nonprofit for this, but that also takes time and needs to be done beforehand. Not to mention, this whole process requires A LOT of effective communication- of personal preferences, of limits and boundaries, of emotions, and finances. Is this where we want to expend our energy? Maybe! There's also the legal trouble of attempting for everyone to genuinely own their own space on the same land. Its possible, but tricky. We'd need to be creative. This whole process would require patience, communication, and a true effort to help each other see this through a perspective of play and opportunity for connection.

PROS: More economically feasible. Most houses are usually close to each other, with buildings for creating businesses or a community center within a small walking distance as well- already established, but maybe needing some repair (which is exciting! Natural plastering and mineral painting murals, anyone?). We can move in almost right away. No blurry legal lines on who genuinely owns what. We can all financially go in on shared buildings if we desire it. There's already a blueprint for community and we get to add all of our unique details.

CONS: We would all probably need to work remotely or have online businesses until the village grew. This village also might not have as ideal housing as we all envisioned for our futures. Are we willing to sacrifice that a bit in order to be together in a more financially feasible way? Can we help each other renovate our spaces to become ideal? How abandoned is this village? Would it be nice to be more alone for a bit, but together, or would it have an eerie feeling before more like-minded families joined? Most abandoned villages are in Europe. If most families are not from Europe, how do we learn to embrace the culture and any people still living in the village? How do we handle that different form of homesickness together? An added challenge, but it could be rewarding.

PROS: Almost immediate larger sense of community. There's already a framework and guidelines, which is less work for us in that area. If its a new community or revillaging effort, we could be joining with a lot of other like-minded people potentially, and then also be influencing the culture of it. A bit less decisions fully on ourselves. There might be more people with skills that we couldn't personally teach our children. Maybe someone in the community can teach piano, how to navigate on the ocean, or how to speak a foreign language. The options are a bit more extensive right at the get-go. Not to mention, there might be more options of friends for our kids in the immediate area.

CONS: It's probably not the exact thing we would've made ourselves and the framework and guidelines would already be there, which could be seen as a pro as mentioned above, but also could create some open paths for resentment ("I didn't make these rules, they did, and I won't/don't want to abide by them"). Some of the lesser values might be lost (but maybe they're worth giving up for this? And we would all still have each other).

1. We start from the ground up. We buy our own land near town, with or without existing structures on the land.

2. We find a dying village, after scouting out the right one, and move in.

3. We all join an existing effort, whether that be a revillaging project or an intentional community.

So... after all this,

the question persists: Why not just live somewhere in a town that generally attracts people with these values and all just be good neighbors down the road or across town?

Our answer: Because it's not working. People are lonely and depressed, kids are rebellious and anxious for good reason, and the tribe, that we all desperately need at our core although vices may convince us otherwise, is missing. Parents are barely making it through postpartum, but they have a decade or so to go and there's hardly an offer of "I'll do the dishes" from anyone. People are working their butts off trying to afford their less than ideal home in the middle of people they hardly know because no one has time and when there is time, we're all self-medicating with addictions and distractions. Because its such a backwards existence. We need to be closer. More intentional. More outright about our desire to connect with each other. More upfront about our need for interdependence. More reliance on each other so we can actually financially make it and have time for loved ones. We can't and weren't biologically built to handle things without a village of people all contributing to meeting the needs of each other. We weren't made, from a psychological and nervous system standpoint, to casually be around so many strangers every day and then be expected to subtly or directly trust them. We were made to be surrounded by loving and known relationships. To see the conflict and then see through the resolution. And then set that as the model and precedence for our kids and future generations. If we inhabit a town as good neighbors, without influencing the framework of the town at large, we're at risk of falling into the typical temptations of "modern" life and avoiding the intimidating yet HIGHLY rewarding work of building relationships in a way that's counter to many social frameworks as they're operating right now. We're on a mission to find and bind together a group of people that want to create an intentional model of connection and health for the Western world. A re-tribalizing, a re-villaging.

a story!

A great combination of all of the options, and one of our top picks, is the Revillage Project:

revillage.com

After going through the process outlined in "Steps to Becoming Really Good Neighbors" (also at the top of the website), picking the place, and moving, we would all prioritize getting to know each other more and building relationship as we build towards a shared vision of what we want to create for our own lives and our children's.

Our ideal is to be really good neighbors- basically, individual families are freely able to do what they want... there are no strict "rules" or "mandates" for putting in a certain amount of work to some communal area or for sure coming to some event... BUT if what you want is to not be involved in community or to not help or care about each other then maybe your family is better suited somewhere else. There's no community kitchen everyone is scheduled out on a list to clean, but if we eventually have that or we're in each other's house and we care about each other and have a free hand and aren't surrounded by kids.... maybe do some dishes. Having a family requires some level of responsibility, which isn't bad. If seen through a healthy perspective, responsibility brings immeasurable amounts of joy and satisfaction- as well as deeper relationships.

---- We've never been too crazy about intentional communities with mandated amounts of work/hours put into a garden or this that and the other thing. We've done beautiful workshares before and for some reason, the feeling of always needing to do something outweighs the joy of being there. We want to find families that are already responsible, considerate, and living their values to the best they can. If we are already ALL willing to have that amount of character then we don't believe the idea of all stewarding a communal space well will be difficult. If it is, we'll collectively figure something out. There are hundreds of amazing people out there who make it their business to come alongside intentional communities and help them through organization and difficult situations. We personally know several of them, and If it's needed, we have them as resources to help sort through these things.

To clarify, by nature of what we intend for this intentional community to be about, we haven't prioritized the location, but rather the people. We really want to be aligned with the families in this. That doesn't mean we need to be a match made in heaven, a mirror of each other, or that any of us are perfect and living our values flawlessly. Life would be pretty boring if so. We merely want to prioritize people willing to take "radical" steps to act on their values and who have a similar dream for their kids and family... and honestly, the world at large. To be a model of what's possible and what the next generation could look like.

If your family generally resonates with this vision and the values on the other page, please don't hesitate to contact us, and at the very least ask some clarifying questions if anything is hindering you. If some key things don't interest you in our personal vision, we would love to help you find the people that align with your family. Reach out! We have a wealth of people we've contacted in obscure places of the Earth and know of things that are only word-of-mouth around the globe.

This could pretty easily be our reality, so what are we waiting for? Together, it's more than possible.

"So pack up your car, put a hand on your heart, say whatever you feel, be wherever you are.... who the hell likes living just to die?"

- Noah Kahan "You're Gonna Go Far"